The good...trying to find blessings in this mess...may need some help with this one. I'm trying to celebrate every happy moment I have...they are small things like a hug from a child, a call from a friend, a sweet message left on my blog, a funny joke, someone else doing the dishes...you name it, I'll take it if it's good.
The BAD!...Here's what's going on so far. I went to the surgeon consultation yesterday. She said I have a cluster of microcalcifications. They rate on a scale of 1-5 according to what they see as a level of concern, with mine being rated a 4. She said out of the people rated a 4 that 50% are non cancerous. I don't know about you, but I'm not liking those odds. Think about it...how often to you win a coin toss or pick the fast lane at the bank drive thru. I know I'm on the losing side of those most of the time. I also found out that they are doing a different type of biopsy called a mammotome. It's suppose to be less evasive, cheaper and better at getting a sample of microcalcifications. Apparently they only give you a vikiden (sp?) and a valium, lay you face down on a table with your breast through a hole and work from underneath. (kind of creepy to me) They will do more mammogram boob smashing during the procedure. I do not do well AT ALL on any strong pain medication so I'm very worried about the affect the pills will have on me. They will take a sample and I will find out 3 long days after that. They are checking the hospital schedule to see what's available, but it will be somewhere between July 31st and August 3rd. The cost will be in the neighborhood of $2,000 that I don't have. $650 has to be paid to the doctor 2 days prior to the surgery. The rest is hospital. Blessing #1 is that the other biopsy would have been in the $5,000 ballpark. Okay...enough about me.
Brittany had her ultrasound this morning and it wasn't good news there either. Now both the small and the large intestines are out and the small intestines are starting to show signs of damage from being in the amniotic fluid. The have begun to dilate. She had been getting ultrasounds done monthly, but now it will be weekly since there is change for the worse. She is 30 weeks along and will be watched closely to keep this baby in for as long as possible with the least amount of damage possible. Right now he is just over 3 pounds. I can't begin to tell you how emotionally overwhelmed I am with everything. My heart aches and I often times feel alone even though I know that I'm not. I really need to try to stay positive and look for the blessings, but it's awful hard when faced with so much bad.
and the ugly...As you know my cat had her babies...well apparently I'm allergic to them. Sunday morning I woke up to matted shut eyes and swollen up huge like golf balls. Even the whites of my eyes were puffy. (I know...totally gross, huh) Today they are still really itchy, watery, and very ugly, but not nearly as bad as they were. My friend just brought me over some claritin to help with the rest.
So there you have it...like my banner says...my life...the good...the bad...and the ugly! I'm praying that good news is right around the corner!